Please excuse the dearth of writing, commenting and general social networking as of late. I have been experiencing a crisis of church over the last several weeks... ok months... ok years... but it has come to a crux over the past couple of weeks.
Two things should be noted:
One, I am experiencing a crisis of church, not a crisis of faith.
Two, I am experiencing a crisis of church, not a crisis of Church.
Not quite two weeks ago, I let the elders of my congregation know that I was removing myself from the covenant of belonging I had signed with them. There were many things leading up to my decision, spanning about two years of prayer and counsel. Some issues that emerged over the past 2-3 years were very big, and perhaps I should have acted sooner. Some issues were very small and would not have stood alone as reasons to walk away. Some issues seemed to tear my heart apart into tiny, unrecognizable pieces.
I am still in the process of letting people know that I have left, either as they ask about my absence or as it seems appropriate during a time of interaction.
Some people have asked to know more about my decision. I am willing to get together and talk about what I have processed so far, but ask for understanding and patience as this has proven to be more difficult for me than I had expected - and letting people know has been more difficult than the decision!
I hope to be back to my writing-commenting-socializing self soon, so stay tuned!
14 comments:
I want to offer you my sympathies and prayers. What a sad and difficult situation!
Welcome to the resistance.
(insert huge sarcastic winky face here)
Seriously, without knowing or needing to know your details, you may have become part of the movement G. Barna dubbed "revolution" (for lack of a less arrogant sounding term).
I'm sure you've read or stumbled across the many books of late on this subject. You are not alone. I could write (and have written) volumes on this.
Most of the time our faith grows when we are forced outside the system.
Welcome.
like i said last thurs i know how hard it is to leave a church even when its the right decision. its like getting a divorce or something almost. i'll keep you in my prayers
But isn't the relief you feel when you know you've made the right decision SO great?
oh my friend, you know how much I understand and ache for you. let me know if you want to do lunch. but not at prego. 'pparently they don't like my kind...
Remember that you have people who love you very much over here in Tennessee. Take some vacation time and come visit us!
And why does Prego not like J-Roo's kind? What kind of sucka-fool doesn't like one of my four favorite Greers?
Yeah... I need to know the rest of the story. I just figured the kids didn't see anything they liked on the menu... which I guess would be a silly assumption, seeing as they have Nathan for a dad! Is a Prego protest in order?! :)
wow! so, my disclaimers apparently garner more attention than my actual attempts at writing...
amy ~ thanks for your prayers, those are my favorite gifts!
agent b ~ don't you go getting me in trouble, now! ;)
jeanetta ~ prayers... and a DRINK! I need a DRINK!!!
jennie ~ yes. absolutely yes. thanks for the reminder.
j-roo ~ our lunches seem to have been pseudo-therapy sessions over this time... thanx for that!
john ~ tennessee... hmm... I think I know what direction that is...
everyone ~ why do all your frickin' names start with A's and J's?
kimberly,
as another "a" name i feel the need to throw my voice in here: you know what i like about you - the pieces of you that i can pick up from this bit we know of each other in this weird form here? that you're so intentional. you are thoughtful and careful in what you write and think, the decisions you make, how you have chosen to live your life, and the ways in which you make space for god in all these different and difficult places. i'm sorry for the shit at church and how it hurts you. it's too much a common theme nowadays, but you're good people, and good people are good at calling the rest of us to new and beautiful versions of the old. i, for one, am grateful.
Leaving is always hard - no matter what the reason. I have agonized over a few of these but it seems that, once the sun rises, I am always intrigued and a bit excited about the possibilities of uncharted waters.
Pax!
the cap'n
Kim,
It's not that your disclaimers are better than your writing, (though it does often leave me speechless) it's that we all feel we've been there in one way or another and want to show you support. So, be encouraged . . .
Looking forward to your return.
I read this earlier and my feelings are hurting for you.
So many of us have been there.
Get better.
Thank you, Angela, Janna and Amber...
...and the award for most original letter of the alphabet goes to the Cap'n!
Seriously, it feels kind of surreal and silly... like the wedding scene in Sweet Home Alabama when Melanie tells Andrew she can't marry him, and the man who has never experienced rejection realizes, "So, this is what it feels like...". I know it's all good and I feel at peace... it's just a really, really weird feeling!
Sister, my heart has been wrapped up with all of you since I left Little Rock on August 3, 2005, and I'm hurting with you now as this stuff goes down.
It simply does not come down to whether or not it was a "right" decision or being "liberated". The Body is supposed to be one, and when it's not, the pain ensues. The Lord will pour out healing on your (and our) wounds, but we will always ache until the Kingdom comes in fullness, and we don't have to make distinctions between church and Church.
"He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus."
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