Saturday, October 29, 2005

what to do when you're awake...

So I learned from Myles that there's this new little game where you go to google, type in "(your name) needs", and laugh at the results. I'm sure you're just supposed to take the results as they come, but I made up my own rules. For one, I did not include a phrase if it actually came from a list on a blog of another person who was playing the same game. Second, I used both Kimberly and Kim ~ because I can. Third, I grouped my responses into award categories. Fourth, if I found the phrase stupid, psychotic or simply un-funny I didn't include it. Everyone should play this game - I laughed so hard I had to pee!

Most likely to have helped me out over a year ago:
Kimberly needs a career change.

Most likely to set off Rebekah's morality monitor on her computer:
Later, when Kimberly needs to get the media on her side, she seduces an overeager newscaster with a line from a cheesy porn movie...

Most likely to be delivered by Rainbow Brite:
...all Kim needs is a little more love, money and sunshine.

Best use of quotation marks:
Kim may need to "compromise".

Most random phrase containing an automobile:
It takes a bunch of postcards to completely cover a Toyota Celica, and Kim needs more.

Most disturbing phrase I couldn't leave out:
Maybe what Kim needs to do is smoke some pot, get some tattoos and beat some women...

Most likely to have come from an Ionesco play:
Karen needs a stick, Kim needs gloves and Al needs to dump his cotton. Did we learn how to make the best martinis?

Most likely to invoke prayer and fasting on my behalf:
Priestess Kimberly Needs Powerful Protection Spell.

Best collection of phrases:
Kim is just confused... she needs some help, we hope she gets it.
kim needs help big time
Kim needs your help!!
One thing is sure: Kim needs some help.

Most likely to invoke an apology on my part (if I were, indeed, a he):
Kim needs to get his facts straight before condemning Wilton and his son Aaron.

Most likely to invoke a strong opinion from one Mrs. Veslasquez-McBryde:
It seems Miss Kim needs to make a decision, and stop trying to enjoy all the benefits being a dual citizen.

Worst case of using a period rather than a question mark:
Can you tell me why Kim feels the need to keep talking about her sexuality.

Best reason to have someone taken out & fed to the fishes:
I also think Kim needs to quit watching the Godfather and pretending that she is in the mafia. Because I doubt anyone believes her.

Best advice to take to heart:

Kim needs to write more songs about things most people wouldn't write songs about.

Most likely to have made sense back when I was a philosophy major:
Does this explanation provide what Kim needs -- an account that avoids epiphenomenalism while also maintaining physicalism's dictum that the physical realm must be causally closed and that, in fact, purely physical theory must be deemed adequate in principle to explain everything that occurs?

Simply good information to be aware of:
Kim needs to look spiffy for the camera crew that has been shadowing her almost everywhere she goes these days.

Most likely to make me weep in my Ben & Jerry's:
Kimberly never knew love could hurt this much. She realizes she needs to let go.

Most likely to cause me to slap my palm to my forehead:
Silly Kimberly needs all five of her riders around her at all times!

Most likely to generate two snaps up in a circle:
Kim Needs to do Kim! Because no one is trying to hold her down!

Most likely to generate an "Amen, Sista!":
Kim needs partnership, including mental compatibility.

Most likely to have been a recurring dream sequence in college:
Kim needs to call her professor about an assignment.

Most like to have been a recurring dream sequence in high school:
Kim needs a date for the prom-and gets one.

Best entry for a Kimberly care manual:
Kimberly needs expert care and stimulation.

Most likely to dash all of my hopes and dreams:
Kim needs to really give it up.

Most likely to cause me to run and hide:
Two of my cousins feel all Kim needs is a couple sticks of dynamite, and then she'd be out of the way.

Best suggestion I will take under consideration:
I think Kim needs a new title writer. But maybe it's just my head, which hurt to begin with.

Most likely to be added to my Christmas list:
Kim needs a set of large cursor objects (pointers, pencils, and so forth) that match those needed for the design.

Best way to spend time with friends:
Kim needs SAT review, Dave is planning a vacation itinerary and you need a Seinfeld rerun after a tough day in the office.

Most likely to cause me to do some self-examination:
Kim needs to have a little personality remodeling done.
Kim needs to re-reinvent herself this time lay off the surgery and the fake Caribbean accent!

Best explanation for the surgery accusation above:
repeated exposure has caused serious damage and now Kimberly needs extensive eye surgery.

Best excuse for investing in my own personal assistant:
Kim needs a good manager/buffer from all of the B-Shyt that she apparently will continue to get herself into.

Most likely to be added to my birthday list:
Kim needs pedagogical help and instructional material for teaching global climate change and deep time.

Best cry for companionship:
Kim needs some Guinea pigs

Most likely explanation as to why I haven't acted in years:
Kim needs to think of a way to not make a fool of herself but still have a chance to perform

Best recommendation I've heard in a long time (even though I don't have kids):
Kim needs financial assistance with school fees for her own children, a computer every two or three years, a living allowance, and discretionary funds for occasional rest and relaxation travel.

Most likely to offend me if I didn't realize they were talking about Lil' Kim:
Kim needs to face the real criminal charges: she's turning into an ugly white woman
Kim should go to jail, in fact she needs to go to jail.

And finally, the award for phrase that had nothing to do with needs but I had to keep it anyway:
... That being said, Kimberly is 100% correct

1 comment:

Rob McBryde said...

WOW! You're all OVER the net! Why have so many people written so many different things about you on the internet? I had no idea you knew that many people! ;)