Thursday, August 28, 2008

~ dialectical lullabies ~

It’s quite ridiculous being me these days.

Any normal 32-year-old single woman would lose sleep over something like the fact that she has no foreseeable dating prospects, much less marital ones, and her biological clock is ticking.

That would be normal, right?

But, you see, that’s not what my mind is racing through at night.

Instead, I’m up contemplating soteriology and determinism, and making mental notes on an already five page document with a working title of “orthodoxy, denominations and standardized religion” (for "fun"), and worrying about the impact of choosing to attend a church whose eucharistic theology I can not fully embrace.

Shouldn’t I just be able to pick a church where I like the women’s bible studies and they play the worship songs I enjoy?

Didn’t I make a conscious decision senior year of college not to attend seminary?

Or was it my decision at all?

Was it predetermined that I would find myself in my early thirties, single and without a congregational home, wrestling with ecclesiological polemics?

I’m ok with the idea of living out my days as a spinster (despite my nesting daydreams).

I am not, however, ok with subjecting myself to blind dogmatics.

There is a part of salvation that demands I look back at the other.

Perhaps that is heresy.

Perhaps I’m predestined to be a heretic.

Or perhaps I’m free to move about in uncertainty, and await the final revelation.


Amy said...

I don't want you to cross any internet-y boundaries you are uncomfortable with - but I am very curious about the dogmatic issues you are wrestling with, and so if you want a detached but caring outsider to chat about such things with, feel free to email me - you can find a link to my email at the bottom of my blog. Which, by the way, my domain name is no longer working (grrr) so the address has slightly changed. Anyway - Blessings!!!

Ines said...

Dear Amy-
Do you have a day? *haha* After you're done listening to Kim, can you listen to me, too? Just being funny....

Honestly, how very nice of you to care to offer to listen. That doesn't happen these days.

Rebekah said...

I'm all in favor of a heretic who owns a B&B. Your guests might make a great forum (in addition to your blog) for processing out your thoughts on ecclesiological polemics. Better than seminary seminars!

Kimberly said...

Gracious, yes!

Thank you Amy, you are very kind. And yes, Ines, I wouldn't know where to coherently start my list! And yes YES, Rebekah, I would much rather contemplate theology from the front porch of my B&B than in a seminary classroom with a 20 page defense paper due Tuesday...

Enjoy REST during your Labor Day weekend, ladies!

Angela said...

see, kimberly, that's why you should go to l'abri - you get to debate theology over lunch, and a scrumpdiddilyumptios lunch at that, and do it in england, or switzerland, or canada, or the states, or elsewhere, and then go for beer after.
nice. nice.
(and sometimes, the boys are pretty)

amy said...

Ines - meaningful discussion with intelligent women is my favorite. :D

ooooo, and I would love to be able to go to L'Abri. Maybe someday...