Tuesday, June 10, 2008

~ choosing ~

Here am I now looking at 30 and I got so much to say.
I gotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go today.
I was always too concerned about what everybody would think.
But I can't live for everybody, I gotta live my life for me.
I pitched a fork in the road of my life and
ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide.
(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.


So, yes, I know, I am well past the 30 mark at this point, but my friend Adrienne has just arrived for the adventure. I met Adrienne during the 1 Thessalonians Bible study I blogged about, and we connected as writers. That, and we also discovered that we had attended high school together, though she was a Sophomore and I was a Senior looking forward to getting the heck outta Dodge! That girl knows how to celebrate in style, and her 30th birthday bash consisted of dinner and poetry reading at one of my favorite places in Little Rock, Starving Artist Cafe (the pictures below are super blurry, but you get a feel for the atmosphere - and you can semi make out Brooke & Jennifer, fellow Bible study participants, posing for my "candid" shot!).

The poetry reading allowed for original works or reading the work of a favorite poet (or song... or words of wisdom...), and I initially hesitated to participate at all. After all, I have not done any acting or creative reading since college (and not much then) - and I haven't performed any of my own work since high school! But then I reminded myself, I'm thirty, flirty and thriving... I have to do this!

So, for Adrienne, as her elder and fellow singleton, I both penned and performed the following poem:

prickly legs
within smooth flannel
held up
by drawstring
across baby-bearing hips
no babies here
just me

savage teeth
pry brittle nails
from formerly manicured
from strong arms
able to perform
man’s work
no man here
just me

couch cushions
extend invitation
for dinner & a movie
order a pizza
ham and pineapple
pour a glass of wine
flip on the dvd

movies are better
than t.v.
no commercials
selling you
a life you don’t need
only fairytales
selling you
a life you can’t believe

dinner arrives
tip the kid
after all
its friday night

sweet and spicy scents
dance through the room
swirling in the air
amidst wafting dreams
around churning ideas

toes stretching
to sofa’s edge
unkempt hair
rests softly
on worn pillows
eyes on screen

he sees her
but doesn’t recognize
not yet
and scene

they say my clock
is ticking
but clocks
are ticking
life is ticking
too short
to spend
about what has not
come to be
what has not
come to me

they warned me
once you hit 30
things start to change
things are changing
like my dreams
my confidence
my knowledge
how I treat others
how I treat myself

I treat myself
to a smooth piece
of dark chocolate
and another
melting in my mouth

I will paint my nails
shave my legs
fix my hair
get up
get out
for all the world to see
for him to see
creative, intelligent,
beautiful, engaging,
loving, caring, dynamic

but not tonight
tonight I’m feeling
should be here
to see this


Janna said...

truly, "someone" is missing out. maybe one day . . . you oughta be proud of how you value your gift of singleness -- i sure am.

Jennie said...

Holy cow - that poem was something else. Wish I could have seen you perform it, but I'm so grateful I at least got to read it! You have such a gift!!

jeanetta said...

even after you find "him". other could of, should of, would of's will appear.
make as much as you can out of the freedom your life allows you now. and maybe there will be less should of, could of, would of's later on.

Ramón said...

Fantastic, Kimberly. I can just hear you performing it...

Wish I had been there.

Rob said...

You rock. Poem rocks.

the hamster said...

kimberly roth - i will come back and read this post later, but first i have to tell you that i had this random dream last night that you and i went shopping at target and we kept picking up all these beverages around the store and drinking them while we walked the aisles and no one thought anything of it and we were totally boss like that. and you had fantastic hair. like i said, totally random, but i woke up this morning and used your name and the name of Jesus in the same sentence several times. He seemed rather thrilled with that notion.

Ines said...

oh my gosh-- kim, you need to guard that poem! hope nobody steals it because it ought to be published somewhere for the world to see!! (well, i guess the blog is a good start!). AMAZING words my friend. They flow like the river. It's like soft rain. I hate to have missed Adrienne's shin-dig!!