on approaching 32...

I wrote this one last Sunday morning, as I was walking out the door to church. I started just to leave, but there was a line or two in my head and I told myself to stop and write them down. I usually just leave, convinced I will remember the thought later, and then loose the words to time. I wroted down the lines, and I kept writing. I had planned to go back and edit, but it has been a week now, so I figure I'll just throw them up here raw and uncut.

i never cease to be amazed
how much i have yet to learn
how much the father has yet to teach me
has yet to reveal
has yet to unveil
how much i have yet to hear
to see
to feel
to experience
to comprehend

i am surprised at where i am
at where i have come from
at how i got here
at where i am going
at what still remains a mystery

his word for me
at this time
leaves me in awe
and at times
overwhelmed
because i still long to hold control
but i am learning
to release
to follow
to abide
to trust

his word for me
at this time
is not
necessarily
his word for everyone else
or perhaps
they are not listening
they can not see
beyond their own vision
to his
or perhaps
part of my control
is trying to control
his word
their response

i will allow it
to be enough
that he has spoken it to me
that i alone
am responsible
for hearing
for responding
all things
in their time

my time
the time he has given me
does not look like
the time he has given everyone else
to some he has given marriage
to some babies
to some a people
to some a place
their gifts are not my gifts
their purpose is not my purpose
their strength is not my strength
their thorn is not my thorn

i will allow it
to be enough
that what he has spoken to me
is mine alone
and that through him
and from him
and to him
it will come to pass
in his time
in his way
in him

that my time is not my own
that my plans are not my own
that my purpose is not my own
yet, in his great mercy,
he has given me passion
for the plans
he has for me

so i wait

photo by Lydia Miles